


Eyes Forward

by LittleRock17



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Andrew's dead, Angst, Comforting Maya Bishop, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad Carina DeLuca, Spoilers, marina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 23:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30146994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRock17/pseuds/LittleRock17
Summary: Four days had passed since Andrew died and Carina’s world had been turned upside down and all Maya could do was be there for her, listen to her, let her cry and give her space when she needed it.Since she didn’t want to leave Carina alone even when the brunette didn’t want her around, the blonde was doing every work out she could do at home to let out some of her anxiety.But right now, she could not do that. She was lying in bed, one arm on her forehead and the other wrapped around Carina, who was resting her head on Maya’s right shoulder.....Maya tells Carina she's not going anywhere.
Relationships: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 2
Kudos: 163





	Eyes Forward

Maya couldn’t sleep.

Well, better said, she couldn’t fall back asleep.

Her smart watch said it was 7:30 am and the fire captain was usually up since 5:30 am for her morning jog, even during the pandemic.

If it was a normal day, as normal as they could be with a crazy virus everywhere, Maya would already be at the station to take a shower and start her shift at 8 am.

But this wasn’t a normal day.

Four days had passed since Andrew was murd – since Andrew died and Carina’s world had been turned upside down and all Maya could do was be there for her, listen to her, let her cry and give her space when she needed it.

Since she didn’t want to leave Carina alone even when the brunette didn’t want her around, the blonde was doing every work out she could do at home to let out some of her anxiety.

But right now, she could not do that. She was lying in bed, one arm on her forehead and the other wrapped around Carina, who was resting her head on Maya’s right shoulder.

When they had gotten home from Andrew’s memorial, the doctor decided to get more sleep, Maya following her. The blonde had held Carina from behind until she fell asleep, listening to her quiet sobs and tightening her grip on the Italian’s waist when her breath hitched. Somewhere during the night, Maya had rolled on her back and Carina tucked her face on the blonde’s neck, and that was how Maya woke up when her smart watch started chiming, indicating her it was time for her run.

The blonde turned it off immediately and decided to stay in bed, holding Carina who had gotten almost no sleep other than the short nap before the memorial.

She laid there, unable to fall back asleep even if she was mentally exhausted, listening to the brunette’s even breaths, mindlessly running a nail softly up and down her arm. Her eyes were closed as she imagined she was out running since she couldn’t actually go out.

Another half an hour passed before she felt Carina shift a little in her place, nuzzling her neck and moving her hand from Maya’s stomach to just below her breast, her thumb moving in a soft caress.

The firefighter didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t breath harder, not wanting Carina to know she was awake yet. Not wanting to force her speak.

Maya remained in silence for another half an hour, feeling the doctor’s thumb keep brushing the underside of her breast, when she decided to speak.

“You know,” The blonde started and felt Carina tense over her and inhale a quick breath. Maya started to caress her back, trying to get her to relax. “There’s something my dad used to say to me all the time. Since I was little and started doing track, he always said ‘eyes forward.’ I’ve told you about it before. He said that to me before every race, he said it to me every time I got injured, and those two words are basically all he said to me during the Olympics. ‘Eyes forward.’ The only thing that matters is the finish line, your goals.”

Maya stayed in silence for a few seconds, trying to even her breaths, and then continued.

“Those two words were drilled into my brain since I can remember and they followed me even after I stopped racing professionally and moved out. They helped me go through fire academy being the only female recruit besides Andy, they kept me going as I made it to lieutenant and eventually captain. Especially as I made captain with all my friends basically shutting me out. With my best friend hating me.” The blonde chewed on her bottom lip, stopping it from quivering. She could feel Carina’s breaths on her neck, which reassured her.

“But then, I realized you were right. He was a monster. And I didn’t want to see it sooner because it would mean I was a monster too. After all, if he raised me, how could I not be one?” Maya’s voice cracked and Carina was quick to press a kiss on her collarbone. “And those two words that had gotten me through so much became meaningless.”

“Maya…” Carina’s raspy voice was heard but the blonde wanted to finish explaining.

“I realized that if you only care about the finish line, if you don’t care about what you have to do to get there, you’re left with nothing at the end. No friends, no family, no one.” The firefighter tried to swallow the knot in her throat. “‘Eyes forward’ means you ignore the pain and keep going. But I don’t want to do that anymore, I don’t want to shove my feelings down until I go numb or until I explode. I’ve exploded before and I’ve hurt people, I’ve hurt _you_ , but I don’t want to do that anymore.”

The blonde placed her hand over Carina’s and squeezed.

“And I don’t want you to shove your feelings down either. I know you don’t want to talk and that’s fine, I’m not gonna force you but it’s okay to cry, to scream, to miss him.” Even if a little numb, Maya lifted the arm that was under Carina and wrapped it around her tighter. 

“You don’t have to keep your eyes forward right now, you are allowed to stop and pick up the pieces of your heart at your own pace. And I’ll be here. I’ll be here and I’ll hold you or leave you alone, whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere, this is not gonna chase me away. You didn’t give up on me when I was being an idiot and I’m not gonna give up on you in your greatest time of need. I’m staying… for as long as you want me.”

The blonde hadn’t noticed but she had started crying. Silent tears travelled down her cheeks.

But Carina had noticed.

She propped herself up on her forearm and looked down on Maya. She brushed a tear with her thumb before leaning towards her, closing her eyes and resting her forehead on the blonde’s

“ _Grazie_ , Maya.” She whispered, rubbing her thumb on the fire captain’s cheekbone. “Thank you for being here.”

The blonde didn’t say anything, just leaned up and gently pressed her lips against Carina’s. They hadn’t kissed in days and she missed the feeling of her lips against hers, even if they were chapped and tasted a little salty because of the tears. After a few moments she pulled back, her head resting again on her pillow, far away enough to look at Carina’s beautiful, and at the moment a little red, eyes but still close enough to feel her breath on her lips.

“I love you, Carina.”

Leaning down again, the Italian was the one who started a kiss this time, just as short as the last one. “ _Ti amo anch'io_ , Maya.” She whispered on the blonde’s lips.

After that, Maya pulled Carina from her waist and made her lay down on top of her, the brunette’s face buried on her chest.

It was still early but both knew they weren’t going back to sleep. They just stayed there, holding each other for the time being.

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday's episode killed me. But it also screamed to me MARINA ENDGAME. The scene at the fire house was so painful and powerful and the way Maya gave Carina exactly what she needed was everything.
> 
> I promise I have a few fluffly one shots on the way but I had to let the angst out first.
> 
> Sorry for any typos, English is not my first language.


End file.
